Pantheon of Rock

Who are the Gods of Rock? They are the exulted deities of all things rock: the bands, the music, the gigs. They are the patrons of all people who love to rock. They are egotistical, fuelled by the adoration of the screaming fans. The greatest musicians are the avatars of Rocks Gods. bringing sheer awesomeness to the world.

Avatars of Rock Pageant

Welcome to the Avatars of Rock Beauty Pageant! Here, the hottest men of rock compete for the tiara and title of sexiest man in rock (and the many genres I’m encompassing with that word). All finalists are selected from rockers that I have (or had) a crush on.

Contestants are scored on four qualities:

Swimsuit Division: The raw sexiness of the entrant.
Talent Division: An entirely arbitrary judgement of their skill level as a musician. Bonus points for having multiple skills.
Deportment Division: The ability (and willingness) of the entrant to showboat on stage without making an idiot of themselves.
Interview Division: How well the entrant treats their fans both on-stage and off. Aloofness suffers severe penalties; bonus points are scored for bands that make good use of their MySpace blogs, twitter feeds, and email mailing lists. This division is heavily biased towards non-gig activities, so an Avatar of Rock who is awesome after a gig can still score badly here if it turns out their dad is nicer with the fan-mail than the stars.

It was a tough competition, so please thank our runners up:

The astute amongst you might notice certain… oddities of the scoring system. As far as you’re concerned, the pageant is scored on the four divisions shown above, and there are absolutely and strictly no secret categories that I use to tweak the ranks of the entrants in any way.


The Avatars of Rock Pageant is a very tongue-in-cheek activity that I did fr teh lulz, and should in no way be taken srsly.

Prized Possessions!

Promotional guitar picks with genuine wear and tear, from the SOiL gig in December 2009.

Personally signed copy of We Were Kids from the Galvatrons gig in October 2009.

Personally signed set list from the VNV Nation gig in August 2008.

Please check back soon!

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