The Evolution of a Name

Part I

My first ever alias was “Asharnar”. Way back in the day, the guy I was dating introduced me to Babylon 5, and I loved it. Asharnar was derived from a similar name used in the series which I had “feminised”. Originally, it was spelt Ashanar, but I found that more people pronounced the name correctly when the redundant “r” was included. The Babylon 5 Wars newsgroup I belonged to (that’s what they were called, right?) featured the sig/tag: Asharnar, 9th Fain of Mir.

Nine being my favourite number, the Fain of Mir being (if memory serves) the same “family” that Lennier belonged to. I had a bit of a fan-crush on Lennier, once I finally got the sun that was Marcus out of my eyes and realised how much I preferred the soft-spoken and gentle types over the dashing heroic ones.
Asharnar was the name I blessed my first-ever Dungeons and Dragons character, a soft-spoken Elven Druid. She was called Ash for short, and the name stuck for one of the gamers in the same group. I held onto the shortened name, and I managed to get about a sum total of three people to use this nickname.

The name Asharnar kept popping up as I used it occasionally as names for such things as Baldurs Gate II and Diablo characters. Several years later, when I was introduced to World of Warcraft, I had drifted somewhat from the name, having not seen Babylon 5 (nor done anything Babylon 5 related) in almost as long.

During this time, I had tried on a few nicknames for size, but I have always had trouble with the idea of assigning my own alias. I was Raven for a little while, but I felt that I wasn’t worthy of the name. I tried AshenAngel on for size, inspired by the beautiful Jaded Angel. It was a little too complex for my tastes at the time. I had recently taken up Warhammer 40k as a hobby, identifying with the Space Wolves. Reading up on some of the older “lore” I uncovered a few old names that hadn’t been continued into the current versions of the game.

So I took on the moniker SpiritWolf for my forays into the World of Warcraft. It was meant to intimate that I had the spirit or soul of a wolf. Unfortunately, the spelling was taken, and over the course of my first year playing I introduced the incarnations: Spiritwylf, Spyritwolf, Spiritwolfe, and so forth.

It wasn’t long after this that I met the Darkwolf. We formed a solid friendship, and laid down some very heavy lines of communication, our most important goal to be there as a sympathetic ear for the other whenever it was needed. We both identified strongly with wolves, and we were alike in many ways, and yet brutally different on some things. As time progressed, and I realised within myself a deep-seated desire to help people, I evolved the idea of the Silverwolf, like a beacon in the misery of our lives I wanted to try and light the way. I came to imagine a shining wolf, a colour so beautiful and ethereal that it glowed in the darkness.

I ended up tagging the “e” to the end of Silverwolfe for two reasons: firstly, it was not uncommon that a user name like “silverwolf” would already be taken. Secondly, I felt that it looked a little more like a “genuine” name, the kind of last name a “real” person would have. Truth be known, it was certainly not the first time I had thought about taking on an assumed name.

Then I met Angel Wraith. I kid you not, that was her honest-to-God name. I was instantly besotted, I loved this name. I took the name, and combined it with the “LL” that a manager I used to work for at McDonalds always insisted on putting into my name and created AngellWraith, the Elven Rogue. It was a thing of sheer beauty.

Angell is already very close to my “real” name, and in my past I had been sparingly referred to as an angel. A sweet young man that I tried to date once, but we were both simply too fragile told me that I “sing like an angel”. As my name already means “angel” I decided that I would like to cut out the middle man and take on this new moniker as my own. I coupled it with Silverwolfe when I wanted a full name, or with descriptors to create new character names for WoW.

I love the name Angell Silverwolfe. It is elegant, it does not belong to a mundane world of computers and buses and long day-jobs. It is ethereal, like you may reach out to touch me and find that I am not quite real. It is the name of an Elf, a faerie, a wisp. It is my name.

Part II

Well, it doesn’t really have anything to do with the actual evolution of my current name/handle, but it is a moniker of mine: MetalStorm (also known as MET4LST0RM). Who is MetalStorm, you ask? Why, only my Autobot alterego. The generator that I originally used seems to be gone now (after all, this was done back when the first Transformers movie came out), but a quick google of “Transformers Name Generator” suggests that finding an autobot/decepticon alterego is still possible.

Part III

There are days when I can’t tell if I’m being emo, or if I’m genuinely depressed. It’s possible I suppose to be both, at the same time – maybe I’m being emo because I’m depressed. So, recently in an emo/depressive fit I changed the “silver” in Silverwolfe to “ghost”. I once thought I could be a guiding light in the darkness, I wanted to help people. But I think that I am not really strong enough, and after a week of brutal lonliness I felt like the light I wanted to offer people had faded away to a mere ghost.

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